Kirbaybay

How do you explain to someone you have changed, when it’s an internal shift and not one that can necessarily be seen on the exterior.. yet? Nothing I can say will be able to capture the experience I had while on pilgrimage.

The 9 most intense days of my life. a never ending rollercoaster ride that just didnt stop. It hasn’t stopped yet.

This blog post is almost useless in trying to describe my journey, but I feel compelled to write it anyway.

All I can do at this point, is show the world through actions the fundamental changes that have occurred. Whether they be subtle or dramatic, things are changing.

I believe I’m up for it.

I use this expression alot and ill use it again, these mixtapes I’m about to share with you are HELLA filthy.

And what, in my opinion, makes a good mixtape? A couple of things:

1. Good music (duh)

2. WELL MIXED. There is nothing like getting into the groove coming from a great song and have the dj eff it up.. and it only took 5 seconds for him or her to do so. Its called a mix for a reason.

3. Purpose or intent behind the mix. This may be a little more intangible, but all I know is that with these mixtapes, they took me somewhere. and i liked it. alot. From the beginning, through the journey, and to the destination, I took that ride and had no desire to venture off. And maybe I didn’t know I wanted to be there, but they certainly led me to believe I did. Thats some really good persuasion. Or perhaps it could have been that I am already on that journey and I was able to find a mix that became the soundtrack for my life.

That sounds about right.

Anyway, allow me to list the mixes and the dj’s they came from, provide you with the link to download each and experience the journey for yourself.

1. DV One- Music and Me: A Michael Jackson Tribute. (scroll down to find it)Dood, no lie, this made me cry. and Laugh. and inspired me to do alot of amazing things. AND by hitting up this site, I just found out that this dood has HELLLLA mixes. like HELLLA. Im hoping I just hit a musical jackpot here. Ill let you know…

2. Sabzi- 69 Rolls and Oof: A Jawaiian Mix. So, this took me home. I don’t mean home as in a particular place or location, because I’ve never had that type of home. I mean more of the home that’s in my heart. The home where my soul rests and finds comfort. The feeling felt from this mix is very similiar to when I am on the dancefloor and nothing else matters. anyway.. enough of that. Just listen.

3. Plot Twist- Peace Out Chicago Mix. So yeah.. this is the mixtape I would have made. But he made it first. damnit. I have not been able to stop listening to this mix for the last 4 days. That alone makes it a winner of my top 3. End.

An excerpt sent to me from a fellow student in my program. Nothing can be said from me just now. Ill let this excerpt do its job. My only question is, what mask are you wearing (if any) and what are you trying to hide?

All I ever want to see is you true self. Whatever that is.
—————————————————————————————
Uncover Your True Face
Underneath the Mask Many of us know the feeling of being stuck in a particular role within our families, as if we are wearing masks whenever we see the people we love. Maybe we are the good daughters, expected to always please others, or perhaps we are the family clowns, expected to be jovial and make everyone laugh. This same scenario can play out within a work situation or a group of friends. We may be so good at our role that we hardly even notice that we are wearing a mask, and yet, deep down, we know that we are not free to simply be who we really are. This can leave us feeling unseen and uneasy.

There is nothing inherently wrong with wearing a mask or playing a role. It is a natural part of any social dynamic and it can even be creative and fun. It only becomes a problem when you feel that you have no other choice than to wear that mask, and this is especially challenging if you realize you are never without one. Perhaps you have forgotten who you really are˜a vast and unrestricted being of light˜and have identified yourself completely with a role. You may be the dutiful, caring son who keeps his parents‚ dysfunctional marriage intact. You may be the angelic wife who enables your husband to continue on a destructive path. You may be the cheerful daughter to a deeply depressed mother. Whatever the case, knowing the motivation behind your performance˜the function of your mask˜can help to uncover your true face.

Anytime we find ourselves stuck behind a mask, it is an indication that we are entangled in a dysfunctional dynamic in which our true self cannot be seen. We have been placed in this situation for the purpose of our own healing and, in some cases, the healing of others. From this perspective, life can be seen as a series of situations that call us to remove our masks˜gently, and with great compassion for all concerned˜to reveal the beauty underneath.

- Reggae/Dancehall Party with Soul and Sabzi. All ages, Vera Project. Nov 28. Confirmation in the next 24 hours.

-Viewing Party for Macklemore’s “The Town” music video.

-Choosing what mixer to buy. Im learning how to dj. For real. The name, Kirbaybay, will finally come in to use.

-Sewing Machine. Jillz has inspired this project.

-Kickin it with Junior Youth (ages 11 to 15) regularly. Why? because they are alot more fun then most adults these days. Ya’ll too jaded. These kids are where its at.

-Organizing and expanding my music collection. Who knew the organization NEVER STOPS.

 Oh dear sweet baby Jesus.  My life is complete with this clip. ALFONSO, YOU LUCKY BASTARD.

so this is how it goes down.  Its hella snowing in Seattle.  I’m stuck at Zia and Saba’s house for 6 days with our homegirl Saman.  WE hella kick it.  Sabzi makes a dang good beat.  Gives it to Geo and tells him to write something about the snow.  Two days later.. they make a video.  Saman and I help out here and there (I love getting production credits for my resume.. even if its all for free lol) and just see the genious Zia go to work.  As usual, ends up being a hella filthy.  Thanks to the Physics for mixing down the song, since Blue Scholars are out of town in Hawaii (lucky bastards) for a New Years Show.

HOller. 

oh and Happy Gregorian New Year.  This happens to be just another day for me, my New Year (or should I say Naw Ruz) is March 21.  YEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Taken from an email from Bradford.  I support you dood.

I remember one evening this summer, Counselor Murphy was speaking with us and talking about the way in which our relationships with each other should be like. She told the story about how, after Mulla Husayn was mortally wounded, Quddus was alone with him in the last hours of his life.

As quoted directly from the Dawnbreakers:
Mirza Muhammad-Baqir, was watching Quddus,’ he subsequently informed us, `through a fissure in the door. As soon as he called his name, I saw Mulla Husayn arise and seat himself, in his customary manner, on bended knees beside him. With bowed head and downcast eyes, he listened to every word that fell from the lips of Quddus, and answered his questions. “You have hastened the hour of your departure,” I was able to hear Quddus remark, “and have abandoned me to the mercy of my foes. Please God, I will ere long join you and taste the sweetness of heaven’s ineffable delights.” I was able to gather the following words uttered by Mulla Husayn: “May my life be a ransom for you. Are you well pleased with me?”‘

`Well is it with you to have remained to your last hour faithful to the Covenant of God,’ he said, as he laid a parting kiss upon his eyes and forehead. `I pray God to grant that no division ever be caused between you and me.’

There is not a single time in which that story has been recounted to me, or that I have read the words Nabil himself wrote, in which I have not wept deeply – both as a result of the sacrifice Mulla Husayn made but also because of the profoundly unfathomable depth of the relationship between he and Quddus.

The essence of that relationship is what I hope to mirror forth within each of the relationships with the people in my life whom I love and care about.

This is one of MANY signs that attempt to appeal to the English speaking reader.  Problem?  Instead of finding someone who is fluent in both Mandarian or Cantonese and English.. they find someone who knows enough of English to translate.  What they are doing is almost literally translating from one to the other.  Too bad it doesnt work like that.

And I doubt anyone has ever gone up to these companies and told them there even was a problem.

I still find it funny tho.  You cant help it.

One of the best monologues Ive ever heard to explain my laugh.  Read on.

“Kirby….YOUR LAUGH TURNS EVIL PEOPLE GOOD!” like when you the laugh the joker would be like…”wooow i should go getta job, probably be batman’s secretary. Mabye i should take a freakin shower and wash that shit off my face an live like a normal human being for god sake’s..so it’s not like im trippin balls on some extasy and like when people beat the shit out of me” Vahla M.

just a note of what came to mind when i was having a conversation with the homie. 

my vision is not a single sided lens but a geometric prism in which i am the conduate for light to reflect and break the shakles of the pain and the chains that have held my people back for way to long

and as I become more connected to myself and break my own chains of pain, I infact gain my own humanity back.. just enough to allow others to do the same.  or so I claim.  only time will tell if my actions can project my mind.. frame

I pave the way for the road less traveled in hopes that others will follow, because I can’t do this alone.  As we continue to pave these tattered paths, we soon realize that the paths converge into one.  Cuz my struggle is your struggle is my testament is your inspiration is my source of being and this is the part where our soul’s connect. So when our paths break away to venture out into unknown territory.. we go without fear cuz the love that connected our souls never disappears.  It’s stronger than both you and I, because it came from the sky.  That thought makes me cry. 

So i lie by myself, but know I’m never alone and I can tackle my fears.  Just stay with me.  Please, be with me.  And its all I ever need.  BE.